Thank you for joining today as we seek God’s wisdom together. Let us begin with prayer.
“Lord Jesus, I ask that you take the words in this blog and breathe life into them. Apart from your anointing they are just words on a page. I ask that you quicken our hearts to hear, see, and act upon what you are trying to teach us by the Power of Your Holy Spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.”
Romans 8:26-30
“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we do not know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. 28And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. 29For God knew his people in advance, and He chose them to become like His Son, so that the Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30And having chosen them, He called them to come to Him. And having called them, He gave them right standing with Himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them glory.”
Given the impact that these verses have had on my life I found it pertinent to share my testimony a little bit with you. I know this is different than what I have done before in the blog. But I really feel the Holy Spirit leading me in this direction.
The Past
I had very little Christian upbringing. Sure, I attended bible vacation events at various churches but, I have little recollection of it and certainly did not come to know a need for redemption in my life. Despite this I always had a belief in God. I am not sure why but, the idea of there not being a God was Ludacris to me. Nevertheless, I cannot remember sitting in a church after 10 years old or so. Needless to say, I lived the life of a sinner. I did hard drugs, had sexual encounters outside of marriage, and drank alcohol in abundance. Fortunately, for me my struggle with alcohol is what would ultimately lead me to Christ.
As I said before I was involved in drugs and alcohol in my teenage years. This caused me to eventually quit school. I then at the behest of my mother enlisted into the army. I was 17 years and one month old. At that time, you could enlist at that age and without a diploma. Anyway, I knew the first day of training camp that the Army life was not going to be for me. However, I did put forth my best effort and graduated basic training and was sent to Fort Riley Kansas to be a part of the Big Red One or First Infantry Division. It is important to point out that two events in basic training would prove to harbingers of what was to come. First in basic training if you did not attend a church you had to clean the barracks on Sunday’s. Naturally, I chose to attend church and went to the catholic services. I remember enjoying the theatrical version of it all. The priest would say one thing and the congregation would reply back. I found it entertaining but not enlightening for spiritual purposes. Secondly, I was given a one-night base pass with all of my platoon. We went down to the NCO club and drank (they served me even though I was seventeen). Anyway, I got black out drunk and somehow made it back to the barracks and passed out. I still am not sure how. IT would not be the last time I blacked out or wound up somewhere not knowing how I got there. Next, I went to my first duty station where drinking and drugs still were a huge part of my life. I even got drunk with my two buddies and we ended up getting in a car wreck. I nearly died from it due to hypothermia and ended up in the hospital for ten days. I broke my jaw, bruised my tail bone, broke my scapula in my shoulder, and was very sore to say the least. I remember thinking I would never drink again. However, that proved wrong the first day after I got out of the hospital. Well really while I was in the hospital because my buddies smuggled me in a couple beers. Anyway, I was deployed to Hanau, West Germany (yes, I was there when the wall separating East and West Germany came down).
My Time in Germany was no different than the states. I drank heavily and for the most part did not get in trouble. Well let me qualify that. The first weekend I was there I went out drinking with my buddies and when we took the taxi back to the barracks one of them told me to steal the hub cap. So, I reached down and pulled it off. The gate guard took it from me and vowed to tell the company commander about it. However, one of my buddies proceeded to steal it back and punishment never came for it. In fact, we hung it in my barracks room while I was there. Despite these things I was feeling empty inside. I was drinking and doing drugs to numb the pain. Of course, I felt good while I was doing it but ultimately berated by the regret and emptiness I felt when I was sober. Therefore, one day I volunteered to go to treatment. I remember the company commander saying that he believed I did not need to go because I never got into trouble. But I insisted I must go because I could not stop doing it. So, I went.
Treatment was enlightening I found some relief in confessing the wrongs I committed and beginning a relationship with God. I attended AA and followed the steps to recovery. I had no problem with acknowledging a Higher Power because I believed in God. What was foreign was the idea that God wanted anything to do with my personal life. Nevertheless, once I got out of treatment it was not long before I was back doing drugs and drinking again. The difference this time was that I tested positive on a drug test and was facing a lot of consequences for my actions. I was deeply worried and distraught. I was looking at all options before me because I faced separation from the military because of it. I made an appointment with the base representative regarding whether I was going to get the G.I. Bill if I got out or not. The Sargent did what he could but said I should come back the next day when he would have more information for me.
That next morning, I was in deep depression. I had walked the hallway the night before knocking on doors and asking anyone if they could get me some alcohol because I could not get it for myself. No one did and I was left to deal with the emotions bubbling up inside me. I decided to go on sick call to get a mental evaluation. In my mind I was not suicidal but, I had run out of reasons to live. I walked to the base where sick call was located. It was about three miles from my barracks and had forest on either side of the path leading to it. I waited in line and when it was my turn, they sent me away because I did not have the proper paperwork. The anguish had to be apparent on my face, but they sent me away anyway. On the way back I started sobbing uncontrollably and ducked into the woods next to the sidewalk I was walking on. I fell to my knees and cried out to God saying I don’t know who you are but, if you help me, I will do anything you ask. Immediately peace washed over me. It was as if God took a sifter and went from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet and removed all anxiety from me. It was amazing, I had what I would call perma-smile on my face I could not help it the Joy of the Lord filled me to overflowing.
When I got back to the barracks, I rushed over to the see the Sargent I had seen the day before. I walked in and before I could say a word he exclaimed “what happened to you?” He said you look completely different than yesterday. You were so down yesterday and now you are smiling. I guess now I would say that the Lord lifted His countenance upon me and gave me peace. Meaning he literally changed how I looked. It was amazing. I told him what had occurred, and He said I do not know what you have but, you had better keep it. I got back to the barracks and sought out the Sargent everyone in the barracks avoided. He was a man of integrity and I thought he would be a good person to speak too. I am not sure if I knew he was a Christian, I am inclined to say I did not because I did not know what a Christian was. No one had ever shared the gospel with me. But I digress I told him about what had happened to me, and he invited to bring me to his church. I went and that Sunday I gave my life to Jesus. I remember while I was praying, I don’t know what this means but, I could hear a still small voice (one I recognize now as the Holy Spirit) telling me to pray it now and you will understand it later. It was that step of faith and confession that brought about my salvation.
The reason I went through this is to tell you that one of the first scriptures God gave me to hold on to was Romans 8:28. You see it is not just a scripture it is a promise. I have found it to be true in my life. I have had many mountains and valleys since that day but, I never lost the hope that in the end what I was going through was for my good.
Thank you for joining me in today’s blog. I am confident that if You are not, yet a believer God brought you here for a reason. I pray that you will turn to Jesus right now. Pray this prayer: “Jesus I confess that you are Lord of all, and I believe that you died and rose again from the dead”. If you prayed that prayer know that you are saved. Please do as I did and search out someone you know that is a Christian. I encourage you to find a church. Believe me when I say that we have all been where you are, and it brings us great joy to stand beside you on your journey into following Him. The road is easier to travel when you have companions to hold you up when you are weary.
God bless you all and thank you for allowing me to take this time to share What the word is saying to us today!
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
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